4 Key principles for parents (pandemic or not)

Parenting is a high and proper calling. God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply—to have children—and reproduce image bearers of God for the next generation of Kingdom work. In culture, parenting can get a bad reputation, but as the church, we should boldly champion the amazing purpose and privilege that parenting has and is. 

Now, that isn’t to say it is easy to parent. 

Parenting is HARD. Like most things worth doing, it is a hard thing to do well, and it is an easy thing to make a mess of. Case in point: the prevalence of parent wounds—a father wound, a mother wound, call it what you will. Most of the time, these are unintentionally passed on to us from our parents, but nonetheless, parents sin; and sin has real effects in the world. And as we are chasing Jesus and trying to become more like him, we also hold the responsibility of forming our children into flourishing human beings. How good is the grace that God gives?

Here are a few Biblical principles that have certainly been helpful, and I hope they are for you too.

1. Healthy parents are better parents

I know it seems obvious, and it is. When parents are healthy, they will parent better. Jesus said that out of the heart the mouth speaks: that we live from the health of the soul. And the reality is that true health doesn’t come just from a good diet and exercise. Though these are helpful, true health comes from the healing and freedom that Jesus gives us in grace. I am powerless to be the kind of parent I want to be without Jesus—my heart is far too selfish, far too fearful, and far too broken. But when I chase Jesus, submit to Jesus, and trust Jesus, I am actually empowered to be the parent I want to be. When I am allowing my soul to be healed, exposed, and freed, by Jesus first, I can go and lead my children as well. 

It’s a really good parenting decision to make sure you take the time to be with Jesus, and to be healthy with him—even if that means sacrificing a few minutes of screen time.


2. Grace, grace, and more grace

As mentioned before, parents are far from perfect. You are going to have bad days. You are going to make dumb decisions: you might yell a little louder than you meant to; not particularly like your kids all of the time; etc. And you need to lead your “self assessments” with a lot of grace. There will always be a reason to think that you failed today. The goal of any parent cannot be perfection but must be progress. Parenting is hard work; maybe for some of us, it’s the hardest thing we are doing. Rest in grace. God doesn’t love you less on days you parent poorly.

“Rest in grace. God doesn’t love you less on days you parent poorly.”

3. Train em up - See them as God made them and steward them

“One size fits all” doesn’t work with kids. Each kid is a unique gift of God with talents, personality, and callings that we need to learn and help them steward. And this is where we realize that parenting is so complex, and with every kid added, that complexity grows even more. Being a student of your child is essential to being their best leader. Take notice of how they respond to new things, discipline, fear, repentance, and success, and respond to them in the ways that lead them to follow the way of Jesus. My one child is a performer, needing to be seen as the winner. Another is quick-tempered and stubborn. If I treated them the same, disaster would ensue. I’m tempted to do this, though, as it’s easier. When I’m tired, often the default is to just react out of myself and not lead them as their father. In those moments, let’s ask Jesus for the strength to see them as He does. Let’s strive to be slow enough to see our kids as they are. 

4. Lead them to Jesus

As followers of Jesus, the most important thing we can give our children is a love for Jesus. Yes, in the trenches of life, it’s a lot of moral training: “yes” and “no”, “stop yelling”, “listen”, etc. At the end of the day, though, we don’t just want behavioural conformity, but to show our children that to love and serve Jesus produces a kind of life we desire as a family. For example, we can explain that we serve others because we love Jesus or that we listen to Mom as a way of serving Jesus. We don’t want to be good just to be good, but because we are followers of Jesus. Often this feels so counterintuitive in the moment of just wanting our kids to behave, but the long-term goal is cultivating a heart that doesn’t just understand that something is right or wrong, but that understands why we are pursuing holiness and righteousness at all. Justice, love, serving, generosity, forgiveness, and remorse for sin are things that we pursue all because we are serving and loving Jesus.

Parents: God is in your corner. He is a Good Father to you. Walk with Him, lean into Him, and let Him empower you.